Drunk Uncle All The Kids' Favorite
Truckee, CA-Wildman Paul Myers, 37, a freelance painter
and part-time drummer, is the favorite uncle of his 9 nephews and nieces,
family sources revealed Monday.
Liver Flees Mark Kaplan's Body
San Rafael, CA-After more than
25 years of absorbing vast quantities of hard alcohol, Mark Kaplan's
liver finally fled the famed camper's body Tuesday. "I can't take
it anymore," the liver said. "A liver can only process so
many toxins before it says to hell with it." Kaplan's liver absorbed
its final drink early Tuesday morning, a bourbon and water that Kaplan
had with some eggs for breakfast.
Jeff Myers Ordered To Pay $1.5 Million Restitution
To Former Participants In Death Camp 2000
Concord, CA - In one of the largest
settlements of its kind, camp organizer Jeff Myers has been ordered
by a San Francisco jury Monday to pay $1.5 Million towards dissatisfied
campers who participated in previous fiasco's of years gone by. "Let
this verdict send a clear message to Mr. Myers", said the S.F.
Attorney, addressing reporters following the historic ruling. "If
you knowingly set expectations for a fun weekend and consistently don't
deliver, you will pay." The class-action suit accused Myers of
"knowingly and willfully failing to deliver fun pranks as promised"
Camping food Consumed In Reverse Order Of Healthiness
Camp Chaos Grounds Mistaken For Refugee Camp
Bothe-Napa Valley State Park, CA-The camping grounds
for Camp Chaos 2002, a weekend trip annually attended by dozens of avid
campers, was mistaken for a refugee camp by passing Red Cross workers
Tuesday.
Third Birthday In A Row Ruined
By Camping Trip
Napa, CA--In what threatens to be an annual ritual,
Jake Dudziak braced himself Saturday for yet another birthday ruined
by the annual family camping trip.
Concord Family Blasted For Lack Of Diversity
Exclusionary, all-white Burkes 'deeply offensive',
say activists
Concord, CA- A Concord-area family remains under heavy
fire Wednesday for its lack of minority representation. Activists say
the Burkes, a four-person clan that has lived in Concord for 16 years,
has never had a non-caucasian member. "In this day and age, it's
shocking to find a group that still actively excludes people just because
of the color of their skin", said Americans For Diversity president
Cynthia Mattson, speaking at the anti-Burke rally on the University
of San Francisco campus. "In the entire Burke family, there is
not a single African American, Latino, Asian, Native American, or Pacific
Islander."
Scientists Develop 200 Percent Fluffier Marshmallow
Tom Burke's Blood-Alcohol Level/Batting
Avg.Nearing .400
Can he do it? Nation's
bartenders wonder
San Francisco drinking
great would have to hit three bars a night for rest of season
U.N. set to impose 5-gallon limit on squirt guns
capacity; limit range to 50 meters
Mason Chesla adds rare SplashzookaTM
watergun to soaker arsenal
Weapons inspectors catch Johnny Kaplan violating
1999 Camp Chaos Arms Treaty
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