Camp Chaos is just around the corner, and that means it's almost time for fun in the great outdoors. Here are some tips to make the camping trip safe and enjoyable:

Though not widely reported, Big Basin's raccoons and opossums are pitted against each other in a fierce turf war. Avoid getting caught in the crossfire.

Lake and river water may be unsafe to drink. Steam all water and lick the condensation off a sheet of canvas.

For a fun trip through the fertile fields of the imagination, camp out in front of the TV all day.

Remember: Snakes are freaky-looking creatures that will bug you out if you chance across them. Why? Get this: The little suckers don't have any legs at all!!

No matter what people tell you, do not take a long hike off a short pier. Drowning may result.

Packing women's makeup and a feather boa will enable you to camp in a very "campy" manner, indeed.

When facing an enraged grizzly bear, be sure to wear comfortable, waterproof shoes and thick socks.

Big Basin is home to many magnificent forms of indigenous wildlife. Be sure to carry a rifle with plenty of stopping power.

To hike, put one foot in front of the other, propelling yourself forward at a steady, workmanlike pace. After repeating this action thousands of times, you will theoretically begin to experience "fun".