Bothe-Napa Valley State Park has a great swimming pool. Here's
how to make the experience safe and fun:
- Never dive head-first into the shallow end of an empty
- Your body is 70 percent water, so don't worry: Even if you
were to drown, only 30 percent of you would die.
- Leave a drowned squirrel floating in the pool as a reminder
of what can happen when one isn't careful, and is a squirrel.
- Remember, you can't leave young children unsupervised around
the pool, the way you do in the house.
- Don't drink and drive while swimming.
- Important: "Water wings" flotation devices should
be placed around a child's arms, never his or her ankles.
- Don't swim in the end of the pool where unscrupulous Japanese
commercial whalers are using gill nets and explosive harpoons.
- Don't buy into all that skin-cancer, suntan-lotion, SPF
bull. It's just a bunch of scientifically verified propaganda from the Coppertone
- Do not run around the pool. Unless your cousin is trying
to pull down your bathing suit, or the concession stand just opened and you
really want a hot dog.
- No daughter of mine is going out in public with a swimsuit
like that, if she knows what's good for her.
- Make lots of friends at the pool. That way, if you start
drowning, everyone will try to save you. It rules!
- It's a fact: Many drownings take place in only a few feet
of water. So you don't even need a pool, really.
- If you're gonna do a cannonball, you gotta yell "Cannonball!"