Video-Camera Tips

Video cameras are a fun and easy way to record those special moments in life. Here are some tips for getting the most out of them:

• An important rule of thumb for the video-camera novice is that everybody in the world wants to see your toddler gorge on a slice of cake.

• If your high-end digital-video camera is not operating properly, simply throw it away and buy a new one. After all, you're made of money, Mr. I Own A High-End Digital-Video-Camera.

• Don't even bother picking up the video camera until Jeff is on his third drink.

• To provide viewers with an exciting, first-person point-of-view of your life, bolt the video camera directly into your skull.

• Before videotaping those priceless memories of that special someone, make sure to cover up the power-indicator light and leave the closet door slightly ajar.

• If you are acclaimed Camp Chaos director Mason Chesla, stop reading this list immediately. You need no advice on digital-camera use.

• Remember: You won't always get that perfect shot on the first try. Don't be afraid to ask the abusive, racist ranger to take it from the top.

• Endless footage of your dog wandering away from the camera while you shout its name and try unsuccessfully to get it to look at the camera is sure to delight friends and relatives.

• To point out the futility of existence, videotape Brian building his elaborate tent, then pull in close to capture his facial reaction as the wind rolls in and quickly destroys his castle.