Drunk Uncle All The Kids' Favorite

Truckee, CA-Wildman Paul Myers, 37, a freelance painter and part-time drummer, is the favorite uncle of his 9 nephews and nieces, family sources revealed Monday.

Liver Flees Mark Kaplan's Body
San Rafael, CA-After more than 25 years of absorbing vast quantities of hard alcohol, Mark Kaplan's liver finally fled the famed camper's body Tuesday. "I can't take it anymore," the liver said. "A liver can only process so many toxins before it says to hell with it." Kaplan's liver absorbed its final drink early Tuesday morning, a bourbon and water that Kaplan had with some eggs for breakfast.


Jeff Myers Ordered To Pay $1.5 Million Restitution To Former Participants In Death Camp 2000

Concord, CA - In one of the largest settlements of its kind, camp organizer Jeff Myers has been ordered by a San Francisco jury Monday to pay $1.5 Million towards dissatisfied campers who participated in previous fiasco's of years gone by. "Let this verdict send a clear message to Mr. Myers", said the S.F. Attorney, addressing reporters following the historic ruling. "If you knowingly set expectations for a fun weekend and consistently don't deliver, you will pay." The class-action suit accused Myers of "knowingly and willfully failing to deliver fun pranks as promised"


Camping food Consumed In Reverse Order Of Healthiness


Camp Chaos Grounds Mistaken For Refugee Camp

Bothe-Napa Valley State Park, CA-The camping grounds for Camp Chaos 2002, a weekend trip annually attended by dozens of avid campers, was mistaken for a refugee camp by passing Red Cross workers Tuesday.


Third Birthday In A Row Ruined By Camping Trip

Napa, CA--In what threatens to be an annual ritual, Jake Dudziak braced himself Saturday for yet another birthday ruined by the annual family camping trip.

Concord Family Blasted For Lack Of Diversity
Exclusionary, all-white Burkes 'deeply offensive', say activists
Concord, CA- A Concord-area family remains under heavy fire Wednesday for its lack of minority representation. Activists say the Burkes, a four-person clan that has lived in Concord for 16 years, has never had a non-caucasian member. "In this day and age, it's shocking to find a group that still actively excludes people just because of the color of their skin", said Americans For Diversity president Cynthia Mattson, speaking at the anti-Burke rally on the University of San Francisco campus. "In the entire Burke family, there is not a single African American, Latino, Asian, Native American, or Pacific Islander."


Scientists Develop 200 Percent Fluffier Marshmallow

Tom Burke's Blood-Alcohol Level/Batting Avg.Nearing .400

Can he do it? Nation's bartenders wonder

San Francisco drinking great would have to hit three bars a night for rest of season

U.N. set to impose 5-gallon limit on squirt guns capacity; limit range to 50 meters



Mason Chesla adds rare SplashzookaTM watergun to soaker arsenal



Weapons inspectors catch Johnny Kaplan violating 1999 Camp Chaos Arms Treaty