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Ant Out Of Its Fucking Mind If It
Thinks
It's Getting Any Of Man’s Cupcake |
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The path to acorns is paved with
blood
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Bee Wishes It Could Hang Around Open
Soda Can Without Everybody Freaking Out
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| “Jesus Christ, everyone! Calm down. I’m just minding my own business. I’m not going to hurt anyone. I’m just tired. I’ll be on my way in a minute, okay? Oh, you know someone who got stung once, and now you’re afraid of every single bee? Christ, grow up. Frankly, you’re on my turf right now—if you didn’t want to be around any bees ever in your whole life, you should’ve just stayed inside.” |
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Area man asks, "Which sunblock
should I put on my burgers to keep them from burning?"
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National Park Service Releases Detailed
Guide On What Visitors Should Do Upon Encountering Squirrel
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| Movies such as Ice Age would have you believe that squirrels are friendly, mischievous at worst, with absolutely no thirst for human blood |
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Nation’s Fathers Demand To
Know Where You Heard That Word
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| “What did I just hear you say? Too scared to repeat it in front of me now, huh? Did that Brian say it? |
| Tech Leaders Justify Project To Create Army Of AI-Controlled Bulletproof Grizzly Bears As Inevitable Part Of Progress |
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| Let’s be real: Sentient machines that control thousand-pound bears with razor-sharp titanium claws are going to happen no matter what we do, so we might as well be the ones who do it. Besides, these grizzlies have many nonlethal uses. Do you want to deny an elderly woman a powerful machine-bear hybrid that can carry her groceries and dispense her medication just because it also has the potential to kill millions of human beings? |