Bear Emerges From Hibernation Refreshed And Ready To Kill





Chaos Campers Celebrate Full Day Without Childish Practical Jokes

9:00 PM UPDATE: Nevermind





Ball Park Franks Introduces New Foot-Wide Hotdogs





Nostalgic Camp Chaos Campers Rediscover 'Nature Trail to Hell'





Local Bird Diagnosed with 'Irritable Owl Syndrome'




Area Man Suddenly Realizes He's The One Who's Been Killing Off World's Bee Population

Calaveras Big Tree State Park, CA- Following a news update on the depopulation of honeybees across North America and much of the world, it suddenly dawned on Mark Kaplan that he, personally, was responsible for the dramatic and theretofore unexplained disappearance of the insects. "Boy, come to think of it, I guess I have been killing millions of bees lately," said Kaplan, recalling "an awful lot" of instances in which he drove his truck into a hive or killed a couple thousand bees at the camping trip. "It's obvious when you stop to think about it, but until now I never really put two and two together." Racked with guilt, Kaplan pledged to immediately set loose the 40 million bees he's been keeping in a jar in his basement.





Bluejay With Diarrhea Barely Makes it to Crowded Campsite In Time

Describing it as a "real close call," a local bluejay suffering from an acute case of diarrhea told reporters that he was barely able to make it to a crowded campground in time to relieve himself Saturday. "Oh, man, I really had to go and there wasn't a occupied picnic table in sight-I honestly didn't know if I could hold it", said the blue and white bird, who reportedly uttered a deep, contented sigh of relief upon finally reaching a densely packed group of campers and releasing a voluminous torrent of material. "Must have been some bad parking lot hot dog I ate". At press time, the bluejay reportedly felt another oncoming, urgent bowel movement and was rapidly racing toward the nearest convertible.



Uncle Paul to Attempt Comeback at Family Camping

Big Basin State Park, CA- Announcing his controversial return to family life, local resident, Paul Myers told reporters Monday he will attempt to make his long-awaited comeback during a family camping trip next month.
Once a mainstay of holiday get-togethers, the 49-year-old uncle has long been written off by those who said he could never recover from a decade of strained relationships and social gaffes.

"It's official—I'm back", said Uncle Paul, outlining plans to attend his first major family function in a while. "All my hard work the past few months has been leading up to this: holding down a job, easing up on the booze a bit, getting myself a decent haircut. And on Saturday, Aug. 8, all the naysayers will be silenced when they see the new Uncle Paul in top form."

While his performance the past few years has been spotty, Uncle Paul enjoyed a long stint of popularity during his mid-20s, when his practice of sitting at the kids' table and teaching the family dog to drink beer earned him the title of "favorite uncle". Many relatives remain skeptical of Uncle Paul's ability to recapture his former glory. Sister-in-Law Kristie went so far as to doubt the sincerity of the entire project. "What is this, comeback No. 7?", Kristie said.





Offbeat Squirrel in Park Garnering Cult Following




Camping TP Upgraded





Popular Trailer for Iced-Oatmeal Cookie Movie to be Adapted Into Full-Length Feature Film